Thanks, anonymous contributor. Satire, needless to say.
Karma Police Arrest this Woman:
By Crime
Correspondent: Iva Dream
1st
January 2014
Karma Police have arrested Tory Home Secretary Theresa May
in a ‘mid-afternoon-snooze’ raid on
the Home Office yesterday.
Shortly before the arrest, press officials who were invited
to the raid heard officers shout a warning before politely knocking on the door
and popping their heads around to wake her gently to avoid potential cardiac
arrest. According to an invited press witness:
“Officers shouted, stop in the name of love!
Before you break any more hearts!”
Commenting on the circumstances that lead to the Arrest
Warrant being issued and enacted against Mrs May, Chief Inspector Dave Angel,
read from a specially prepared press statement; “Mrs May, has been arrested today by Her Majesty’s Karmic Constabulary,
under new powers which we have to arrest anyone considered a threat to the happiness
and integration into British Society of the families of British citizens, their
partners and children.”
Continuing his press statement, Chief Inspector Angel said, “Mrs May ignored several warnings from
organisations and key figures such as the Children’s Commissioner. When she
went ahead and made unnecessary and unrealistic new rules in 2012, for British
Citizens applying for spousal and family re-unification visas to bring their
wives, husbands and kids into the UK to live with them in their own homes. Her
callous and uncaring new Visa Rule has resulted in thousands of lawfully
married people living in a UK government sanctioned forced separation for years
in some cases. It has led to Christmas 2013 being a very unhappy one for many
loving mothers, fathers, husbands and wives. More seriously, it has forced
couples to be unable to fulfil the vows they made to each other on their
wedding day and for this reason we have arrested Mrs May today.”
The Chief Inspector stated “Mrs May is the daughter of a Church of England vicar and she should
know better than anyone, of the Karmic ramifications of intentionally splitting
up and forcibly keeping apart those who have made a solemn oath to; Love and to
Cherish, In sickness and In health for richer, for poorer, forever and ever
Amen. Karmic Law clearly points as
stated in a marriage ceremony with a reading from the Bible that what God has
put together let no man or woman put asunder.”
He added, “Which in
everyday language means that it is a criminal offence, under the United Faiths,
Karmic Justice act of 24CE, that anyone who forcibly splits a husband from his
wife or vice versa risks arrest and Karmic actions being taken against them.
This also means that anyone who brings in an unnecessary Spousal Visa rule,
which is all about expecting a person to earn £18,600, before they are entitled
to enjoy life in the UK with their lawfully wedded spouse or family, is acting
unlawfully. If as in this particular
case, Mrs May’s selfish, nonsensical and purely political actions of bringing
in the ill thought out and crudely written rule, has brought unnecessary
suffering to thousands of normal born and bred married folk. Then it is our job, as those responsible for
policing the Universal Karmic Law to arrest and prosecute those involved.”
Reflecting the seriousness of the crimes May has been
charged with, Inspector Angel disclosed information of the type of criminal activity
against British Citizens that led to the arrest. “What
Mrs May has been arrested for today is not just one petty crime. Mrs May is been arrested and will be
prosecuted for causing devastating and long term damage the marriages and lives
of thousands of innocent British men, women and children. Her Karmic crimes are very serious and have
had a profound effect on her victims.
"In
one example, which reflects many of the crimes she is being charged with and
will be prosecuted for, Mrs May has
stopped a hard working lawfully married born and bred British man, who has his
marital home in the north of England, spending Christmas day with his little 2 year old son. This is because his beloved wife and child
are stuck in a country 5,000 miles away for the last two years. His son and
wife are not being given the expensive £900, low grade (no recourse to public
funds) 2.5 year temporary UK spousal visa, purely on the basis, as set out in
Mrs May’s new Spousal Visa rules, that he is a hardworking man working over 40
hours in a low paid service sector job on a typical wage in his region. Mrs May
seems to pick and choose which laws to respect.
"She sadly has no respect at all for the Karmic or moral laws of the
Universe. As any normal person can see whoever
is responsible for such a blatant disrespect of a British man, woman or child’s dignity
and rights has got it coming to them”.
The Inspector concluded his statement by saying ”So today, ladies and gentlemen of the
press, it is for this reason that have carried out the order to arrest Mrs May
for a long list of charges relating to putting Asunder the holy matrimony of
innocent hard working low paid taxpaying British citizens. Mrs May has also been charged with denying
the Human Right of Christmas with their husbands, wives and in some very
distressing cases, their children as you have heard today.”
When asked what was to happen next to Mrs May regarding the
arrest and charges against her, Chief Inspector Angel, replied “At the moment that is unclear, we are only
here to arrest her, it is for the Good Lord Himself to judge her. But from where I am standing I do not think
that Mrs May will be getting off lightly for the suffering and misery she has
caused to the thousands affected by her cruel and unnecessary Spousal Visa
Rules of July 2012. “
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